ICLW - welcome!

Hi there! Thanks for visiting! I love the feeling of community that ICLW brings, and I'm looking forward to finding some new blogs this month (and hopefully some new readers too!)

If you're new to the world of semi-fertile, read on - a brief recap of my long and tumultuous ttc journey follows.


I met my Hubby in January 2003. We got engaged two weeks later, and married in June 2003. I went off of birth control pills in June 2005, got pregnant in December 2005, and promptly miscarried in January 2006. Pregnancy number 2 occured a few months later, which also ended quickly. Two more early miscarriages occurred over the next few years, during which I endured every RPL test known to man. I did test positive for antiphospholipid antibodies (a clotting disorder) and was prescribed aspirin, a mega dose of folic acid, and injectable Lovenox (an anticoagulant) upon confirmation of pregnancy. My fifth pregnancy, in December 2008, was devastating, as it seemed to be normal until the ultrasound - and then, an ectopic was diagnosed. I had surgery to remove cletus the fetus from my tube - poor cletus, who was actually growing on schedule and looked good aside from his location. My seventh pregnancy, in the fall of 2009, ended in early miscarriage as well. Further testing revealed a high level of prolactin, which has been corrected with medication. And despite 6 cycles with femara, we have not conceived since (although I am currently in the 2ww from the last femara cycle, but not exactly hopeful).

Since the demise of cletus, I have been deeply depressed. I am working on getting myself well and healthy while we take a break to save for IVF. We may do a couple of IUIs in the meantime.

So there you have it - my utesaurus eats babies, and it makes me sad. I still try to laugh, though, and I am determined to kick depression's ass before I move on to beating the shit out of RPL.

Welcome, ICLWers

My story, in brief: Stopped birth control June 2005. First pregnancy December 2005. First miscarriage January 2006. Since then, I have been pregnant six more times, all ending in miscarriage, except for my ectopic baby (referred to here as Cletus, as in Cletus the Fetus. He is the only one with a name because he was the only one we got to see even once on ultrasound. And he was in the wrong f-ing place). I have been diagnosed with a blood clotting disorder, but treatment for that has not thus far helped me to stay pregnant. I have just taken my last month of Clomid and am unsure what our next steps will be regarding ttc.
I get acupuncture, exercise a lot, eat organic and gluten free, cry a lot, laugh when I can, love on my dogs and cats, adore my hubby, read like a fiend, harbor dreams of actually finishing that novel I started writing, bandy sarcasm about like a weapon, dress like a femme fatale when I can so that I feel womanly despite my faulty parts, avoid pregnant women like the plague, and try not to wallow in self pity all of the time. That's me in a nutshell. (That was quite a sentence. Whew.) Thanks for visiting - please, leave a comment and introduce yourself. I love meeting new bloggers.

Side note: my internet service has been spotty at best due to weather issues (Iowa! In January!) so my commenting might be sporadic today. Please don't hate me :)

welcome...

if you're visiting from ICLW, a brief history of our semi-fertile madness can be found here.

Oh, and that last pregnancy? Another miscarriage. I get to start clomid tomorrow. I feel lucky :)

If you're visiting from ICLW...

hi. Thanks for stopping by. I didn't do this last month, which was my first time participating, so I thought I'd fill you in on some of our journey.

We first got pregnant in December 2005. We didn't exactly plan it, but we weren't using birth control either, so we were pretty excited. Then the nightmare began. I spotted almost the entire time, and my doctor (the quack) assumed it had to be an ectopic, and gave me methotrexate to end the pregnancy. I didn't question her at the time, but now that I know a little more I would have waited before treatment.

We got preggo pretty quickly after that for the second and third times, even though I had such bad bleeding/cramping with each that I had no idea that I was pregnant. We were trying, though, and I was waiting to ovulate so I knew something was up. With each, the betas were rising, but a bit more slowly than they should have, before they stopped. Empty uterus on the ultrasounds. Empty heart as well.

Number 4 was kind of a blur, but similar to 2 and 3. After this loss, I was finally diagnosed with anticardiolipin antibodies, and prescribed a daily mega dose of folic acid, baby aspirin, and progesterone and lovenox upon confirmation of the next pregnancy. All other fertility tests came back fine.

Number 5, 15 months after number 4, sucked ass. The scenario was similar to the previous pregnancies (bleeding/cramping and negative hpts, which made me think I had gotten AF, before finally getting a positive). After much bloodwork, and pleading with the RE, I got an early appointment for an ultrasound. I just KNEW something wasn't right, and sure enough, little cletus the fetus had parked his ass in my fallopian tube. Surgery and massive doses of painkillers ensued. I became pretty depressed after this loss, and considered giving up trying.

And now, six months later, here we go again. This seems different, though, so maybe we'll actually end up with a kid in 36 weeks or so. Or maybe we'll discover another new and horrifying way to experience pregnancy loss.

Only time will tell.