Sunday, June 21, 2009

If you're visiting from ICLW...

hi. Thanks for stopping by. I didn't do this last month, which was my first time participating, so I thought I'd fill you in on some of our journey.

We first got pregnant in December 2005. We didn't exactly plan it, but we weren't using birth control either, so we were pretty excited. Then the nightmare began. I spotted almost the entire time, and my doctor (the quack) assumed it had to be an ectopic, and gave me methotrexate to end the pregnancy. I didn't question her at the time, but now that I know a little more I would have waited before treatment.

We got preggo pretty quickly after that for the second and third times, even though I had such bad bleeding/cramping with each that I had no idea that I was pregnant. We were trying, though, and I was waiting to ovulate so I knew something was up. With each, the betas were rising, but a bit more slowly than they should have, before they stopped. Empty uterus on the ultrasounds. Empty heart as well.

Number 4 was kind of a blur, but similar to 2 and 3. After this loss, I was finally diagnosed with anticardiolipin antibodies, and prescribed a daily mega dose of folic acid, baby aspirin, and progesterone and lovenox upon confirmation of the next pregnancy. All other fertility tests came back fine.

Number 5, 15 months after number 4, sucked ass. The scenario was similar to the previous pregnancies (bleeding/cramping and negative hpts, which made me think I had gotten AF, before finally getting a positive). After much bloodwork, and pleading with the RE, I got an early appointment for an ultrasound. I just KNEW something wasn't right, and sure enough, little cletus the fetus had parked his ass in my fallopian tube. Surgery and massive doses of painkillers ensued. I became pretty depressed after this loss, and considered giving up trying.

And now, six months later, here we go again. This seems different, though, so maybe we'll actually end up with a kid in 36 weeks or so. Or maybe we'll discover another new and horrifying way to experience pregnancy loss.

Only time will tell.


  1. WOW! That is heavy going. What can I say, it really sux doesn't it. Hoping the next 36 weeks go by successfully. ICLW

  2. That completely SUCKS! You have my heartfelt sympathy as I have been through multiple losses too. Wishing you smooth sailing and lots of luck this time around.

  3. Sending prayers and good thoughts that this little bean will stick for the next 36 weeks. I know what that fear is like... hang in there!

  4. that is A LOT for one person to endure. really hope that this is the time!!


  5. Hi, I found on on ICLW and just wanted to say hello! I had our first pregnancy April 2005, not too far after you and like you, I lost that baby and have continuned to have 3 other miscarriages after my first. I'm so sorry you have experienced the loss of a baby, I know how much it hurts. I look forward to reading your blog and hopefully watching you become a mom!

  6. The last part came out wrong...I meant a mom on earth! I know you are a mom to those beautiful angels! Sorry for the lack of better words.

  7. Are you familiar with the work of Dr Beers? His work recurrent m/c patients is very hopfeful.