Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Operation No Regrets

Second beta = 3. Loss confirmed.

I spoke to my RE this morning and he thinks that we "need help." (Um, really? Ya think so? I love my doctor beyond belief but I think that's obvious at this point). He really thinks IVF, possibly with pre-implantation genetic screening, is the way to go. He also does not think that I'm insane for wanting to try again.

If you had asked me two years ago, I would have said that I had absolutely no interest in pursuing IVF. Hubby and I, at that time, thought that the money would be better spent on adoption. Oh, how times change. I'm really sold on this idea of having no regrets whatsoever on our baby-making mission, and so I'm considering it. Cost is a factor though, and since we'll need to save up for our clinic's program, we're going to try some smaller guns in the meantime.

Doctor Obvious sees no need to pursue further testing at this point, since we've had so many tests, including genetic karyotyping, done already. We have formulated a plan to embark on Operation No Regrets after my next cycle. At this point, the plan is: try Clomid alone, then try Clomid + IUI, then try injectables + IUI, and then move on to IVF if necessary (and if we can afford it). My biggest fear regarding IVF is that if it fails, we'll have dumped all of our moolah into it and will have nothing left for adoption, but we'll cross those bridges when we get to them. As part of ONR, I will be excising caffeine and alcohol from my life. Today, though, I am enjoying cocktails made with Mountain Dew and SoCo and am feeling deliciously numb. And hot. Seriously, when is this midwestern heat and humidity wave going to end? I'm on my patio right now, and I feel like I'm breathing soup.

I feel surprisingly ok about all of this, but that could change at any moment. I wish we were wealthy, and had every option open to us right now, but alas, we aren't. We did, however, play the lotto today. Seriously, our luck has got to change at some point, right? If we win (yeah right) I'd like to pay for treatment for other couples who can't afford it, because infertility sucks when your pockets aren't deep.

Hubby took the day off today to hang with me, and I have to say, it's been great. We've been laughing a lot (because our only other option is to curl up in a hole somewhere and die) and enjoying each other's company. I'm super glad we share the same dark sense of humor, because otherwise, shit would be awkward. Case in point: returning from the store with our SoCo and Mountain Dew, he let me carry the bags. And I said "Sure, let your miscarrying wife carry the bags for you. I guess if I can't carry a child, I might as well carry the groceries, huh?" And he said "Absolutely. Make yourself useful." And we both cracked up. God, do I love that man.

And tomorrow I begin my clean living regime, and the start of ONR. Hope abounds where it shouldn't. Wish me luck. Oh, and if anyone has any advice about entering the world of fertility drugs and whatnot, I'd love to hear it. I have a feeling it's going to be a crazy ride.


  1. I'm sorry that you have to keep going through this, but it's good that you and your hubby can laugh about it.

    I recommend Amaretto and Sprite, it's mighty refreshing. I'm not familiar with Midwestern heat and humidity, just the New England kind.

    It's good to have a plan, I feel like my luck is turning a little bit, maybe I should buy a lottery ticket! :)

  2. Hi there, nice to meet you!
    Your hubby is awesome. I know he's fantastic and I haven't even met him - just loved the line "Absolutely. Make yourself useful." I also make weird fertility jokes -- and proper, sensitive yet funny comebacks from our significant others are de rigueur.
    Wishing you lots of luck - yup, we gals take lots of drugs - but we're tough and determined and get through it!

  3. I am sorry about your M/C. {{HUGS}}
    yummmmy.. Mt. Dew and SoCo. Good luck with ONR. The heat is oppressing huh? I am down in FL and it is MIS-ER-A-BLE!!!!

    I am glad you and your husband have the same sense o humor. That really does help. My husband tends to be more serious.....anad I am more sarcastic/smart ass. Sometimes he doesn't get me. :)
    I am here from ICLW.

  4. You can do IVF. It seems so daunting but really it is far easer than any loss. I promise. And I don't think you are crazy for wanting to keep trying either. With IVF and PGD you just might make a sticky baby. ((((HUGS)))) I'm so so sorry that this one didn't work out.


  5. I totally understand not wanting to do IVF. I have had a hard time coming to terms with it myself - can get pregnant relatively easily, so why the need??? In my case, my doc is reluctant to let me cycle any other way with the hard core drugs (prednisone). I really need that cycle support or we haven't got a chance in hell. Part of me wants to just attempt another IUI or lesser method though. I'm just not sure.

    I'm also on the clean living, give it all you've got diet. So good luck with ONR. And good luck for your future cycles.

    The only advice I can give about fertility drugs is that if you can already do lovenox, then you won't feel a thing with the FSH.

    ICLW & reg reader.

  6. your husband sounds fantastic, it's great when you both have the same sense of humour and can laugh together. I don't know what I'd do if my husband didn't get my dark, slightly sick and always inappropriate humour.

    best of luck with ONR, I hope you don't need to go through with the whole plan to get your sticky bfp.


  7. So sorry about your loss, life simply isn't fair sometimes. It totally sucks that your doctor just realized now that you need help. It's amazing how doctors dismiss RPL to nature and leave you to suffer. I'm glad that you will get some more treatment options now, you certainly deserve it.

    Your hubby sounds great. Humor is great medicine for a broken heart.

    I know it won't be easy in the coming days so I send you a big (((HUG))).