Operation No Regrets

Second beta = 3. Loss confirmed.

I spoke to my RE this morning and he thinks that we "need help." (Um, really? Ya think so? I love my doctor beyond belief but I think that's obvious at this point). He really thinks IVF, possibly with pre-implantation genetic screening, is the way to go. He also does not think that I'm insane for wanting to try again.

If you had asked me two years ago, I would have said that I had absolutely no interest in pursuing IVF. Hubby and I, at that time, thought that the money would be better spent on adoption. Oh, how times change. I'm really sold on this idea of having no regrets whatsoever on our baby-making mission, and so I'm considering it. Cost is a factor though, and since we'll need to save up for our clinic's program, we're going to try some smaller guns in the meantime.

Doctor Obvious sees no need to pursue further testing at this point, since we've had so many tests, including genetic karyotyping, done already. We have formulated a plan to embark on Operation No Regrets after my next cycle. At this point, the plan is: try Clomid alone, then try Clomid + IUI, then try injectables + IUI, and then move on to IVF if necessary (and if we can afford it). My biggest fear regarding IVF is that if it fails, we'll have dumped all of our moolah into it and will have nothing left for adoption, but we'll cross those bridges when we get to them. As part of ONR, I will be excising caffeine and alcohol from my life. Today, though, I am enjoying cocktails made with Mountain Dew and SoCo and am feeling deliciously numb. And hot. Seriously, when is this midwestern heat and humidity wave going to end? I'm on my patio right now, and I feel like I'm breathing soup.

I feel surprisingly ok about all of this, but that could change at any moment. I wish we were wealthy, and had every option open to us right now, but alas, we aren't. We did, however, play the lotto today. Seriously, our luck has got to change at some point, right? If we win (yeah right) I'd like to pay for treatment for other couples who can't afford it, because infertility sucks when your pockets aren't deep.

Hubby took the day off today to hang with me, and I have to say, it's been great. We've been laughing a lot (because our only other option is to curl up in a hole somewhere and die) and enjoying each other's company. I'm super glad we share the same dark sense of humor, because otherwise, shit would be awkward. Case in point: returning from the store with our SoCo and Mountain Dew, he let me carry the bags. And I said "Sure, let your miscarrying wife carry the bags for you. I guess if I can't carry a child, I might as well carry the groceries, huh?" And he said "Absolutely. Make yourself useful." And we both cracked up. God, do I love that man.

And tomorrow I begin my clean living regime, and the start of ONR. Hope abounds where it shouldn't. Wish me luck. Oh, and if anyone has any advice about entering the world of fertility drugs and whatnot, I'd love to hear it. I have a feeling it's going to be a crazy ride.