Happiness is fleeting

Happiness is fleeting. And positive thinking is likewise making a hasty retreat.

I have been trying – although it’s been a struggle – to think positively about our family building future. And for the most part, it’s been working. I’ve been happier, more cheerful than I have been in a long time.

(Even though the aniiversary of my due date for my first pregnancy is fast approaching. Even though I’m constantly smacked with the realization that I should have a three year old. Even though no one realizes this/cares but me.)

But today, I reverted from Positive Polly to Negative Nelly completely. And what was the catalyst? Some momentous occasion? The arrival of Aunt Flo, perhaps? Oh no, internets, simply a meeting with a local sales rep. A sales rep who happens to have both a healthy three year old, and a healthy newborn. The thought hit me like a ton of bricks: she has conceived, gestated (is that a word?), and given birth to two children, all in the time that it has taken me to fail miserably at having just one.

Sigh. I just can’t believe how quick it can happen, that trip into Grief-ville. One minute – fine. The next minute – hiding in the bathroom so I can cry like a baby in private.

I’m trying to claw my way back to Positive Polly, I just don’t know if I can get there. (See, there I go, being negative again!)


I'll leave you with a quote that I just love (I guess I am truly massive!):

Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.
-Khalil Gibran