Thursday, December 2, 2010

Cash Rules Everything Around Me

'tis the season.....

..... to self medicate!

Thank you all for your support on my last post. Your comments really made it easier to deal with the crappiness (and gave me something to chuckle at while discreetly checking my email under the table!). It warms the cockles of my little heart to know that you all see the manipulation at play.

I survived our two Thanksgivings, better than I thought I would, but man. Those little arrows of hurt were flying through the air everywhere! I had a sizeable alcohol shield  (my patronus is patron) but there were a few times I thought I might cry anyway. Have you ever noticed that a giant pregnant belly can be like the eyes in one of those creepy pictures, eyes that seem to follow you around the room? Yep, that's how Thanksgiving was. Everywhere I looked, that thing was staring me in the face, teasing and taunting me. Lest I end up kicking the belly to shut up the taunts (and in prison with the headlines screaming "Crazy barren infertile kicks pregnant belly 'to shut it up.'") , I spent both gatherings stealthily avoiding my SIL

And of course, Christmas is becoming an issue again already. And I am a whore.

(I guess that last line deserves a bit of explanation, no?)

Recap: we weren't going to Christmas. We stood our ground despite all of the guilt trips and everything else, and got hoodwinked into Thanksgiving. Now, my FIL is joining in the manipulation. He has told hubby that this Christmas will be different, and that we will be getting a very large gift, as will his brother, and he wants all of us there to open he gifts at the same time. 

It MUST be money, and probably a sizeable amount. BIL (the favorite child, the doctor who married a wife who gets pregnant and actually has grandbabies, not some clotty blobs destined for the toilet, and beyond, a waste treatment facility) recently graduated from medical school, is not making very much at the moment and has a wife who isn't working because she has a baby and another one on the way. I've been told about their money issues several times, in my MIL's weird attempts to get me to appreciate my own life. Of course, that only pisses me off more - they know we're certainly not wealthy, especially since we asked for a loan to pursue adoption and they turned us down. We need money too - not to support our family (we'll be fine there) but to create our family.

Anyway, I suspect that now that BIL is having money problems the parents want to help him out but don't want to seem unfair to us. Uggh. It anoys the piss out of me. They wouldn't help us when we asked for a LOAN, and because BIL is in trouble they're just going to give it away.

And I am a dirty, dirty whore, because if it is money I want it at all costs, even if that means enduring another holiday with the pregnant belly staring at me and the rude comments other people make and the pregnancy and childbirth stories....... I'll deal with all of it because right now, our biggest stumbling block to further pursuing parenthood is money.

Therefore, I am a whore  :)


  1. It sounds awful, but I'd do the exact same thing. You just have to manage to get through a few hours to get this. You can do it. You can drink all you want.

    But I would also have a back up plan. What if the big gift is something like an antique bookshelf? It's nice, but not what you need. Would you be able to politely say thank you and not punch anyone in the neck? That would be tough (and, by the way, I'm all for neck punching). But I guess you could always sell whatever it could be.

  2. I'd whore it up too! With some patron of course while I was there :)

    That situation sounds unbearably frustrating if that is the case (with $ being the gift). Thank God for alcohol. That's how I used to tolerate family functions. Now that I can't drink I have a hard time going...

  3. Ok, this is crazy! Your PILs...yes PILLS...are totally annoying and maniplative. They are relentless! I would be so incredibly pissed.


    Dig deeper. If you plan on going, for 'the gift', which I totally still think that you are in charge because you are going with that purpose, I think that you need to get DH probing. You don't want to waste all of that 'hope' and get disappointed with Grandma's award winning needle point.

    I completely love your pharse that you need money to CREATE a family. That is exactly how I feel. My parents have said jack shit to us, while others we barely know have stepped up. How come others get to pop out kids like crazy and we've got to climb a mountain just to build one??? That really pisses me off. I'm in that piss off stage myself right now.

    Booze is an incredible thing. It numbs and allows you to focus on other things at times. My vote? Probe further, then go, get drunk, get good gift, and high tail it outta there! Booze under one arm, stash in the other.

    Sometimes a little sacrifice can pay off. Just double check that the 'pay' is going to be worth it for you. What if DH went and you went elsewhere? Like to a friend's whom you trust??? DH could say you're super ill or...whatever.

    Good luck with this. Put on your detective hat before confirming!

  4. Ooh that's a tough one, but I'd whore up in your situation too. They are SO manipulative :(
    I hope the gift is what you hope it is.
    (BTW, I have started a blog now! When I e-mailed you I said I didn't have one so now... I do! hehe)

  5. I don't blame you one bit... just follow the sage words from one of Steve Miller Band's songs -- "go on, take the money and run"

    woo, ooo, ooo!

    I'd make my visit as short as possible, in an effort to preserve sanity--but I'm with you -- I'd stick it out for a big fat check, if it helps you work on starting your family.

  6. I agree w/everyone above...Defn. probe to see what the "big" gift is..You don't want a new luggage set (which is what our "big" gift from grandma was last year, oh yay) and have to endure the bullshit. I also love that your patronus is Patron..yay!! And like Melissa said, I used to get through Christmas Eve w/my mom's Whiskey Sour slushes..What to do this year!? Yeah, defn. whore it out for the gift, just make sure it's worth it.

  7. Eh, I think it's perfectly reasonable to get a nice payout for putting up with an awful holiday gathering. But maybe you can sneak out your i.Phone or something so you can read blogs, play Scra.bble, check email...anything to distract you from the thoughtless comments that are bound to be coming your way, yuck! I would totally do it for the money too though :)

  8. You know, some times a girl has to have morals. And then other times, she just needs to drop trou, bend over, and well, you get the picture.

    If you are fairly certaing that this "gift" is a financial one and if you can stand to put up with a few hours of holiday torture, you might as well get something out of this hellacious holiday season.

    Just watch out for the "not so big" gift that was just to lure you in.

    I hate it that it has come to this. So sorry, friend.

  9. They are shameless aren't they? Can anyone say family dysfunction? I mean really, if you want to help someone out financially, then go do it, regardless of where they spend Christmas.

    Whats the problem with them coming over to you separately to give you your "gift" and watching your squeals of joy? Clearly they are manipulating you and clearly you know it.

    I guess in your shoes as long as you know it, and know that you are prepared for whatever the gift may be then I would go ahead and suck it up. It still sucks that they operate in such a way that your feelings and pain are insignificant to them, their desire to be patted on the back for being so awesome to you all overrides that...but lets face it, its pretty much found all across humanity.
    I hope for the best for you! x

  10. Is it bad that I laughed out loud to this part?;

    "not some clotty blobs destined for the toilet"

    sorry! but you cracked me up!

    Yeah, I would slut it up too.

    But, it will probably end up being something "big" and useless, like a trampoline...or a giant blow up clown doll (!?!?)

  11. Yes! Pregnant belly starting at you like creepy old picture eyes is a fantastic description. I was having the same problem with my sister's. And yet I couldn't look away! Christmas will be a drag.

  12. I would totally be a whore too. I've been a whore on many occasions in the past so whore it up if you think you'll get a pay out. It would be a cruel cruel joke if you visited for Christmas and endured all that misery for nothing though. I hope that won't be the case.

    (My whoring episodes involve my obnoxious absentee father who likes to buy his children's love instead of actually be a decent parent (divorce or not it is possible to not be a prick). Needless to say he's gotten so bad I don't even bother with him anymore, plus he's broke now so he couldn't buy my love if he wanted to!)