Thursday, February 25, 2010

the boys

So, the boys are cancer free. As Hubby explained it to me, he strained himself (probably while working out) which lead to some localized swelling that felt like a lump. He just needs to take it easy and take anti-inflammatories for the time being. What an emotional rollercoaster!

What a pair we are, though. I think part of what makes our marriage strong is that we have the ability to laugh in the face of one fucked up universe. Indeed, while we waited to get the ultrasound results this weekend, we laughed quite a lot. At the possibility of cancer. And miscarriage. And infertility. We're quite a jolly bunch.

Hubby can now join the club though - sitting in a dark room with your genitals exposed and a stranger manipulating them. If he had had to put is feet in stirrups I probably would have cracked up, instead of giggling like I did.

Oh, and of course I ovulated Monday, which means that his poor sore boys had to perform this weekend (with the doctor's permission). How do you know that your husband is an infertility veteran? Well, when he remembers your ovulation schedule and checks with his doctor to make sure sex is okay without being prompted.

In other momentous news, you'll never believe what I did last week.

Have you guessed?

That's right, I shopped for a baby shower gift. Of course I didn't actually attend the shower, but I bought a gift and a card and I didn't cry once. I think I'm a bit numb, and frankly, I like it. I was so fucking proud of that ten minutes in Target, which really is pathetic because, well, all I did was grab a gift and go. But for years I haven't been able to even look at the baby aisle, so this was, however lame, a huge breakthrough for me.

Come to think of it, lately I haven't been crying at all. Weird. Is this - could it be - what it's like to be happy? Or am I just numb?

After all of this time, I've finally accepted our situation for what it is: completely craptastic and awful, and I wish it were different, but it's my life, and for the first time in a long time, it actually seems more appealing than death.

I must have the opposite of seasonal affective disorder, because it has been one hell of a winter in Iowa this year. We're breaking records left and right (snowfall, days with five or more inches of snow cover, temperature) and everyone is whining about it while I smile.


  1. excellent news, and it's always better to try to laugh at things then cry right?!

  2. I'm so glad that your husband is ok. How cute that he remembered to ask the dr about sex without prompting. :)

    It's so good that in the midst of all of this that the two of you can enjoy each other, laugh and smile.

  3. Whew! So glad that he's okay. :)

  4. Glad your DH is doing well. I hate medical scares! Why is that it seems we infertiles seem to have them most?

    Congrats on the shopping milestone! I'm proud of you, too!

  5. That is absolutely wonderful that DH has the all clear. Yep, that is a sign of an IF husband for sure!

    Well done to you for the shopping. Am still in fear of the baby department myself.

  6. I'm so glad to hear that everything is fine with your husband. Thank goodness.

    I'm in total agreement that laughter is the only thing that gets you through sometimes when things are really shitty. I'm glad that you and your husband are able to laugh together.

    Good job on the baby shower shopping too. I'm glad to hear that even though things are still craptastic, you're feeling more able to go with the crap flow.

  7. I'm so glad to hear he's ok. And I'm glad that you're sounding in better spirits. I agree, it's better sometimes to laugh rather than cry, but I know it's hard to do as well.

    I've had my fill of snow. I'm canceling my subscription to winter! ;)

  8. I am so happy to hear that you're feeling happy! I know how IF can kick your ass all over the place so I'm happy that you're happy :) And great news about hubby's "boys". Thank god its not C!

  9. This is wonderful news, sweetie. You're right, he totally sounds like an IF veteran asking about sex while recovering from that. LOL. I am in agreement with the others-so lovely to read you are feeling happy. Go with it!

  10. Nominated you for a blog award. Yes, again! You are that awesome :)

  11. So glad to hear that everything is okay with your husband! Also...good for you for being able to shop for the shower gift. I agree that can be SUCH a hard thing to do!