Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Well hello there!

It's been a while, for sure.

I've had limited internet access at home lately, and have been too busy at work to do much blog reading/writing.

What have I been up to? Why, thanks for asking!

Cycle #1 on femara was a fail. We are currently 9 days into femara cycle 2. I have my fingers crossed. I'm not really sure if it's the change of seasons or what but I have been feeling really hopeful lately. We'll see.

The rest of my life has been rocky lately as well: friends are popping out kids like crazy. I invited my MIL to go to the RESOLVE conference with me and she declined, so, since I had no one to travel with, I passed. I'll definitely be going next year though. My basement flooded, and as I was using the shop vac to dry it out, the power went out. My home computer died. My dog got sick. Hubby left on a work trip the same day that bitch Aunt Flo arrived. I found out we owe the IRS several thousand dollars, so all of the home projects we were planning on using a tax refund for are on hold (meaning we are living with a demolished upstairs bathroom). And so on. The crap never stops.

I've been holding it together fairly well, considering. I really credit the regular exercise I've been getting for my mood stability, but it could be more than that. Perspective is everything. I mean, I have a home, and food to eat. What more could I ask for (besides a baby)? There are so many who are worse off.

I'm not minimizing what I've been through. I still grieve for my babies - every. single. day - and the life I thought I'd get to live. The difference is this: for a long time our fertility struggles felt like a new pair of shoes that left horrid blisters on my soul, and now they're worn in and comfy. It is what it is, you know? I'm doing what I can, and the rest is up to fate and medical professionals. The despair is gone, and I couldn't be happier to see it go.

On the bright side, my cousin has offered for the fourth or fifth time to be a surrogate for us. I'm not at that point yet, and I've not done any sort of research on what it would entail (especially because she lives in NYC and we're in the midwest), but it's an option. Options are good.

I hope that all of you have been well. I should be posting more (and hopefully more thoughtful posts than this) and commenting more now that I have internet access at home again.

Life is good.


  1. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you this cycle!

    The resolve conference was awesome and I totally recommend you and your hubby go next year. It's a great experience as a couple!

  2. I'm so glad to hear you are doing well! I was a bit worried about you but figured as much! I love what you said about the worn-in pair of shoes. I am pretty much in the same place at the moment. Acceptance is easier for me now.
    I'm sorry about all the other crap which is piling up for you. Our house badly needs renovations too and it is difficult to live with.
    You have been in my thoughts. I am always hoping for you and just can't wait to hear good news, if and when you have it.

  3. I am so happy to hear that you're in a good place notwithstanding all of the crap it seems you've had to deal with! I'm sending positive thoughts along to you for this cycle :)

  4. It sounds like you have had to deal with a lot of crap recently. It seems like when it rains, it pours. I am glad that you seem to be dealing with everything well and keeping it in perspective. Having a good attitude about everything seems to make IF easier to deal with, at least for me.

  5. I'm glad you're back! And glad you are doing well. Best of luck for this cycle.