Friday, June 25, 2010


So, I'm still here.

Remember how I said I can change my mind regarding the whole adoption vs. IVF conundrum?

Well, Hubby and I have started couples counseling and individual therapy, mostly to prepare us for our adoption journey.

Only Dr. A, our therapist, thinks that we should forget adoption right now and move towards IVF. She thinks I won't be able to move on with my life if I don't at least try it. I think she's right, but I'm still trying to wrap my head around all that that means. I've also started taking anti anxiety medication, because she's helped me realize that I am really really clinically depressed and that I need to address it, and that most of my depression stems from anxiety.

I'm sorry that I haven't been commenting. You all mean so much to me and I feel terrible about it but I've been spending a lot of time working on myself these days. I've been starting to read blogs again, though, which is good.

I'm making lemonade, I am.


  1. Are things going well with the two of you in counseling? I've been seeing a therapist individually but DH and I haven't gone together yet.

    Don't be sorry about not commenting. It's ok. It sounds like you're taking steps to get yourself to a better place and that's the most important thing right now.

  2. Of course I don't know you very well, but I'm so glad to hear that you and your husband are going to a counselor and that you've gotten some medication to help you out. It must be a relief to have a professional acknowledge your feelings and validate your grief.

    Don't worry about not reading or commenting on people's blogs. We all have things that go on in our lives that make it easier or harder to keep up with other people's stories, and the most important thing is to take care of yourself right now.

  3. I hope that your sessions with the therapist and the antianxiety medicine is helping. Maybe it will help you clear your mind and decide what option will be best for you and your husband.

    I agree with the other posts that right now, it is perfecetly fine to not be posting on other's blogs. You just need to take care of yourself.

  4. It sounds like counseling is being helpful, anxiety and depression can make life feel so hard. For me I don't feel like I can fully explore adoption until I exhausted our means/ability to have a child biologically. RPL messes with your brain that's for sure. Don't worry about commenting, take care of you right now.

  5. I'm glad you are taking care of you. It sounds like the counselling is really helpful.

  6. I hope you get some relief with your anxiety medication. 2 years ago I was on zoloft and it didn't really help me.

    I agree with your therapist, if you don't try IVF you'll always wonder. I think that's why I keep trying to get pregnant. Adoption is always looming out there, just out of reach or around the next turn of the road. Maybe we'll get there someday.

    Take care of yourself, that's the most important thing. Sending you hugs.