Wednesday, May 5, 2010

flip flop

Including this month, I have three months left on femara.

And then, interwebs, when my body fails yet again to produce a viable pregnancy - as it surely will - I do believe we'll be taking a big long break from this whole baby making thing to seriously pursue adoption.

I've flip flopped so much about this, and may again, but I need to be moving forward, striving towards some kind of happiness. And while I know the road to a successful adoption can be bumpy as hell (and let's face it, with my luck it probably will be) if it's not my own personal failure, I think I can probably handle it.

Miscarriage after miscarriage does not a happy girl make.

We think we might just be able to put together the funds by the end of 2010. It means no fun for us this summer, no trips or concerts or cute summery dresses, but I can handle that. I can.

So for the next few months I am going to be as healthy as I can be to give my body the best chance possible to do this, and then, I'll turn down that fork in the road to parenthood and leave the timed sex, fertility drugs, blood draws and dildo cams behind, at least until we recover financially and emotionally from the adoption process.

That's the plan, anyway - for now. I reserve the right to change my crazy infertile mind at any time.


  1. As much as I don't want to I should probably look into going that route as well. I just can't get myself to head that way just yet.

    Aside from the doctor I heard about in NYC, I just heard about this one in California. Obviously that's pretty far away but they do phone consultation. It's an idea.

    Unfortunately school is getting in my way so I can't focus as much time on this as I would like. :(

  2. I wishing you the very best of luck these next three months. <3

    And if you ever want to talk shop about adoption, I'm (one of) your girl(s). There's a lot I wish I would've known prior to starting the process, and I'm happy to try to help anyone from making the same mistakes.

    Either way, I'm thinking of you.


  3. Thinking about you and hoping that it works in the next few months however given what you have already been through I am glad you are able to move forward with some kind of plan.
    I am willing to get together whenever. You tell me time and place.

  4. i change my crazy infertile mind minute to minute these days... so we're in the same boat. hopefully, luck will be on your side over the next 3 months and you won't have to consider any other options :)

  5. Sending good thoughts your way for a bright future, however it arrives. Thanks for stopping by the I Am Enough site -- because you are.

  6. Sending good thoughts your way girl. xoxo