Tuesday, September 14, 2010


I’m still here. I’m sorry if I made anyone worry about me with my long absence!

For the most part, August was a great month for me – I was extremely busy at work, extremely busy at home (5 houseguests! Including a baby!) and had little time to think, breathe or blog.

Now, though, things are slowing down. Life is returning to normal. And for the first time in a while, I feel sadness creeping back into my life.

September 11 always takes my breath away, even now, nine years later and half a country away. A flash of footage on TV and I am right back there, in the midst of the chaos and the panic and the overwhelming, monstrous sadness.
And then there’s this – the knowledge that, had my first pregnancy been normal, I’d have given birth four year ago this week. We’d be celebrating a fourth birthday. I like to think that we’d pull out all of the stops and throw a huge bash – cake, magician, pony rides, the whole nine yards.
We’d be a family.

And instead of a four year old, I have no child – just arms weary from emptiness, and an aching heart.


  1. i'm glad you had a great august but sorry that sadness is creeping back in. its hard not to think about the milestone dates ... i really really hope you get there sometime soon, wifey. are you still taking the magic fucking pill?

  2. I'm glad you had a busy summer too - sometimes busy is good. So sorry for your sadness, sometimes I have these thoughts too.