This week marks 5 years since our first loss, since the last time I remember being truly happy and hopeful. I think somewhere my brain knew that milestone was looming, which would explain my recent funk.
Anyway, the numbers:
4 - how old that first doomed baby would now be
7 - how many times (at least) I've been pregnant since that loss
40 - number of times I've been poked for beta testing
50+ - number of babies born to people I know in that time (not including all of my blogging buddies, who seem to be getting knocked up regularly these days)
56 - approximate number of weeks I've been pregnant
680 - approximate number of sticks I've peed on (opk and hpt)
$1040 - how much I've spent on sticks to pee on (approximately)
$3500 - how much we've spent on copays for visits and meds and surgery
10950 - number of folic acid pills I've swallowed
1,257,333,123 - number of times my heart has been broken (approximate)
I can't believe I'm still here.