I've been realizing lately - with the help of my wonderful Hubby - that I need to put some effort into having a positive outlook. It is just so easy for me, and I'm sure for others in the same/similar boat, to be dragged down into the deep dark by hopelessness and despair.
In my head, logically, I know that things will eventually work out, somehow, some way, for us. My impatience and frustration have been at the forefront for so long, so today, I'm going to change things up a little.
I saw this on another IF blog, and while I would love to give credit where it is due, I have completely forgotten (been doing a lot of reading lately!).
HOW HAS DEALING WITH FERTILITY HELL IMPROVED MY LIFE?
(I figure if I can put a positive spin on this, then I am well on my way to transforming from
Negative Nelly to Positive Polly).
1. I have so much empathy for anyone dealing with any sort of IF. Before all of this, I might have thought that anyone who puts so much on the line just to have a baby must be a little nutso. I know better now. Or maybe I'm just nutso myself?
2. IF has taught me empathy towards anyone dealing with loss, illness, struggle in general.One of the most frustrating things about being a "habitual aborter" (don't you just LOVE that term?) has been the lack of compassion from others who have not been there. I am sure this is true of people dealing with many other things. I always try to put myself in others' shoes(always with socks, of course!) and not judge. I had an interesting conversation several months ago with a friend who has Crohn's disease. She was involved in a fundraiser and had just sent out a mass email explaining how the disease has affected her life, which she said was a huge step
for her. It really struck me when she said "I normally don't talk about it, because I don't want people to define me by it." This is EXACTLY how I felt for years regarding RPL. And I know that this friend is such a wonderful person that no one would ever define her by her disease. Hopefully, the people that I've been opening up to feel the same way about me.
3. RPL is one of those things that can make or break a marriage. Because of it, my bondwith Hubby has been forged in steel (or whatever metal might be stronger than steel). I cherish him more than ever, now that we've been together through the most awful shit that's ever happened to either of us.
4. I've learned to open up to people, and to own my emotions. It's okay to cry (before this, though, I could never have imagined myself, in an ultrasound room, sobbing my eyes out while clutching the hands of my doctor and my husband, both of whom were crying as well). I've forged connections with people that never would have been in my life otherwise, and I've become a source of strength for others.
5. I've learned a very painful lesson about finances. Depression and grief are no excuse for letting your credit score take a nose dive, because this in turn can create more grief and depression. We make PLENTY of money. We could have saved for all of our adoption expenses, or at the very least, have had our bills paid on time so that our credit was good enough to get a short term loan. Hindsight is 20/20, right? At least we can look forward...
6. Last but not least, I've become a much healthier person in my quest to achieve
successful pregnancy. I eat a mostly organic, and mostly balanced diet. I exercise more. I drink less. I've even made great inroads into kicking the caffeine addiction - I'm down to ONE (albeit large) half-caff cup of coffee per day. This, from someone who used to routinely drink a pot of full-caff coffee before work, and then down a highly caffeinated energy drink in the afternoon. In short, I am much more careful about what I put in my body, and what I expose myself to.
Well, this list is about 6 items longer than I thought it'd be when I started working on it.
Drop me a comment - how has IF improved YOUR life?