Thursday, August 20, 2009

premature argumentation

**Warning: F-bombs ahead**

Thanks for all of the comments/advice on my last post, ladies. We actually did reach a compromise, as someone suggested, of me having ultimate veto power over any baby furniture decisions.

Looks like we argued too soon.

Our loan application was denied. Fuck. Options now are: 1. Take out a home equity line of credit (if we're even approved), which Hubby doesn't want to do because he doesn't want our house to be mortgaged to the hilt. 2. Beg for a loan from family members (not likely to happen - the Hubs has that whole male pride thing going on, and no one in my family has a pot to piss in, much less money to lend) or 3. Go the old fashioned way, and save up the half of the money we need to make this happen.

Option 3 sucks ass. Option 3 means MORE waiting, MORE time of my life being on hold. But it looks like Option 3, it'll be.

I definitely had a breakdown yesterday. It seems that every time I get excited/happy about something in relation to having a child, it gets snatched away. And of course, I feel tremendous guilt about the whole situation. You see, I've always handled the bills in our house. Hubby has neither the time nor the inclination to do so. Money stuff is not my strong point, though, and through these years of pregnancy/loss/frustration/depression, I let some things slip. Like making sure bills get paid on time (they always get paid though!). Apparently, our credit ratings have suffered greatly, and we're not a great credit risk.



  1. Fuck.
    This waiting in limbo part is awful. We're just sitting here not making any progress. I've been crying over waiting an extra month.
    Pleaase don't beat yourself up over the bills - I also messed up several over the past few months. I just couldn't get it together and I'd didn't see them piling up. Then I'd only pay half of them without realizing it. It's like my mind shut off.
    Fuck. I'm sorry money has to get in the way.

  2. Well shit.
    Uhhhh, totally sucks. I just got done sommenting on your last post and I tought you guys had made some ground on the adoption front.
    I feel so bad.
    I don't know what I can do but if you ever want to get together again, I would love to go out for another drink.

  3. Definately go with #3. If my husband taught me anything, it's the power of money. He's shown me how good it feels to pay for something only when you can afford it. I know it sucks ass hard to have to wait to buy the things you want, but you will feel much better about your purchases if you buy it with actual cash and NOT credit. If you can learn this lesson now, it will carry you, and your future children for life. I've wanted a bedroom set since we got married 4 years ago. A couple of times a year I would check to see if it could be possible but it never was. But finally, last month my dream came true, I was patient and responsible, and now I have exactly what I wanted a beautiful bedroom set. I sleep very very well knowing I don't owe anyone interest or payments for it. It's all mine (I mean ours). So although your patients are shot, do what I did. Window shop. Cut pictures out of all the ideas you have for that room and paste them on a board, kinda like a reminder of your wish. Make a savings plan for that wish, and keep track of your progress. It will give you something to work towards, that you know you can absolutely control. When you reach your goal you can tell us all how great you did. I know you can do it. You will enjoy the result so much more...I promise :)

  4. Christa: you are definitely right about the value of money control. The thing is, we already live like that. We have never bought furniture or any other big ticket item that we couldn't pay cash for. We've been working to pay off our mistakes (cc debt) for a looong time. Adoption, well, it so fucking expensive, and we would get almost everything we borrowed back from the Adoption Tax Credit, so the loan could be paid back fairly quickly. We just have to have the money up front. Blah.

  5. FUCK! Okay, I said it too! I'm so sick of money being in the way of us girls living our dreams. Why is IVF so damn expensive? I wrote my first paper in school about how it is unethical for doctors to make a killing off of us. There are no rules or regulations right now, so IVF companies are going crazy with their prices and the tax credit is a joke too. Why can't the tax be applied right away rather than making couples pay for a baby and then giving them the tax credit.

    I'm so sorry honey. I personally would say option 1 but your hubby may be right about wanting to go with option 3.

  6. I really relate to this.

    We were able to take out massive loans to finance our first adoption. This time around?

    We have such high interest loans going on right now for our second, pending adoption that thinking about it pretty much gives me a panic attack. So which is better? Immediate gratification and long-term financial pain, or saving up and having to wait?

    I think they both suck. :p But I'll save my "oh, adoption, why must you been so costly?" lament for a later date. ;)

    Anyway, I'm a new follower (via ICLW) and I'm already in your corner, rooting for you with as much zeal as humanly possible...

    So nice to "meet" you,


  7. It's so very sad when becoming a parent is dependant on how much money you have in the bank. Parenthood shouldn't come down to who can afford to become one and who can't.

    I'm so very sorry that you're having to face this, it's just so wrong when so many can just get knocked up at the drop of very unfair.


  8. The worst part of infertility, IS the fucking waiting. I'm sorry you have to wait even more.

    Hang in there. ((Hugs))

  9. Oh that freakin' sucks. I'm so sorry.

    Waiting waiting and waiting some more, we have been waiting almost a year to get started again (apart from the old-fashioned way of course) so definitely understand.

    I don't have advice - I would go for option #3 - just hoping there is some solution out there for you.

    Agree with the other posters it is just completely wrong how much it costs to adopt in the US and to do IVF.

  10. The f word is not out of place here...Ugh!

    It makes sense to go with Route 3, but still it sucks massive carrotballs!


  11. I'm so damned sorry you had one more roadblock thrown up in front of you. Good luck finding something you like that isn't too expensive. Have you thought about haunting Craig's List and eBay and seeing if you can score a deal?

  12. I am sorry money makes things so difficult once again. I wish you all the best and may you realise your dream soon. Love, Fran