Monday, August 3, 2009

evolution

No, I'm not going to engage in the whole "did we crawl out of the ooze or did god snap his fingers and create us" debate (although I side with science on that one). I'm talking about a different kind of evolution here - the evolution from single woman to married woman to mother.

There are many aspects of my job that I love - the days when I get to play with puppies and kittens, and love on patients needing some tlc. The days when everything goes right and pet owners agree with recommended treatment plans and everyone goes home happy.

Then there are the awful awful days - euthanasias of beloved pets suck, as do people who neglect and/or abuse their pets, or refuse treatment because of cost (and then get into their shiny luxury cars to drive home). People who expect me to diagnose their animal over the phone, and then bitch me out when I tell them they need to come in for an exam, suck.

And then there are the days, like today, when I'm slapped in the face with the reality of my own non-evolution.

You see, somewhere in the woman-wife-mother evolution lies the jump into pet ownership. Perhaps it's just couples wanting to test the water and try out a pet before they try for baby. Maybe people have been waiting to get "settled" before they tackle pet ownership. But time after time, I see it. The single girl with a boyfriend and a dog announces the name change, the evolution into married woman. Months later, she comes in with her gloriously swollen belly, looking for advice on the seamless integration of baby into the family. More months later, and she comes in with kid and pet, looking exhausted but marvelling over how well the pet and baby get along.

I had one of those days today - a woman with a hugely pregnant belly and a sick cat. We've been seeing a lot of her lately, as they've been trying to get all of their furry charges updated and checked out before the new arrival wreaks havoc on their lives. Every time I see her, I see how she's grown. I picture her baby, safe and snuggled inside her, and wonder why I can't have that.

I realized, as I looked at her today, how stuck I really am. I want to evolve into a mother, I do. I'm ready for it. I was ready three years ago, when I took this job on a part time, temporary basis - you know, until I popped out a kid and quit to be a stay-at-home mom. It's turned into a full time, permanent for now job. And while I woke up today loving it and looking forward to the day, I left hating it. But really, I hate the road my life has turned down. I hate being stuck. I feel like a little kid, always looking toward the future, just wanting to get where I'm going.

Oh, and Wednesday would be my due date for cletus, the babe who lived in my tube. The only one of my brood to have actually developed, only in the wrong place. I cannot believe I just realized this now. And I get to have root canal part 3 that morning, instead of getting things ready for cletus.

I'm thinking there will be some wine consumed Wednesday, even if I have to suck it out of my shirt because I can't get my numb lips to work appropriately on a glass. To hell with Operation No Regrets.

6 comments:

  1. I know that tomorrow's going to be a tough day for you. I hope that you're able to cope okay with everything you're up against.

    If it makes you feel any better, I freaking LOVE your sense of humor. If I had had anything in my mouth when I read the line about sucking wine out of your shirt, I would surely have spit it all over my computer.

    I may just have a glass (or a bottle...) of wine in Cletus' honor tomorrow. As I said to a friend, "If I can't be pregnant, I might as well have a drink."

    Word Verification: Vaseshaf, i.e. the vas deferens is getting the shaft (or maybe it's giving us the shaft. Whatever.)

    ReplyDelete
  2. check out my blog...you have an award!

    babyparamore.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  3. It's always weird to watch the "normal" progression of things (or at least seemingly normal from the outside) and know that your normal might as well be on another planet.

    I'm sorry about Cletus (I had an ectopic too and they are terrible). Enjoy that wine; it sounds like an excellent end to a sucky day.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I am so very sorry for your loss and for the grief that I am sure the due date brought. Here's hoping your evolution gets on track. {{{Hugs}}} and prayers.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Sent this way by the Roundup, and found this to be a very touching post. Have lots of wine Wednesday, although I'm sorry you have a reason to.

    ReplyDelete
  6. This is a beautiful post. I know that feeling of being stuck, and it hurts so much. Hope you get unstuck soon.

    From the Roundup.

    ReplyDelete