insomnia

I can't sleep. I thought I'd pass the time by giving you a snapshot of different things that are going on in my life (I know, I know, you all have been at the edge of your seats wondering....) since it's not like I have to take care of a baby.....



Acupuncture

I have had six weekly acupuncture sessions, with at least two more to go. I have to say, mentally/spiritually/emotionally I've been feeling better than I have in a super duper long time, and I think that acupuncture is playing a large role in my well being.

In the veterinary field, acupuncture is a proven therapy for certain conditions. The success of our patients with acupuncture makes me a believer in it's power, since dogs and cats are immune to the placebo effect. When we saw a dog with back problems who could hardly even walk, even with the aid of powerful pharmaceuticals, come bounding into the office after a couple of acupuncture sessions, I was sold. There's also a lot of data out there regarding acupuncture's success in getting breech babies to turn, so clearly the techniques do something to the uterus/pelvic area.

I was so nervous before my first appointment. I really had no idea what to expect, but I dutifully filled out all of the paperwork I was supposed to bring in with me (the medical questionaire was 8 pages long!). And after we sat and discussed my reproductive history, my acupuncturist reached out, grabbed my hand and said "I'm really glad you came to see me. I think I can help you," which gave me chills. She is absolutely wonderful, warm and caring, and she has made me feel like I am finally being completely taken care of.

The sessions are the highlight of my week. I leave feeling relaxed, confident in my abilities to handle anything that might befall me as I stumble toward motherhood. My perspective changes after each appointment.

She has made several recommendations: first and foremost, that I be tested for gluten and wheat sensitivity. She said that she has only ever seen one person with a clotting disorder who did not have an underlying gluten issue. I have not gotten the test results back yet, but I have been gluten free for about 3 weeks now and I am really pleased - I have a rash on my legs that has not responded to any treatment so far but seems to be clearing up now. My brother in law, who is a med student, said they've been learning all about the skin issues associated with gluten intolerance and how they are often misdiagnosed. Hubby has been gluten free as well, and he is free of his usual intestinal distress. It's a pain sometimes to not just be able to eat what everyone else is eating, but it's worth it.

She has also recommended that I meet with a perinatologist to get her recommendations for future pregnancies and possible further testing. I'll need to have a relationship with a perinatologist if I ever get out of the first trimester anyway, so that is definitely going to happen (but after the holidays, when life returns to a slower pace).

Anyway, the long and short of it is, I love acupuncture. I don't know if it will help me get/stay pregnant, but it has done wonders for my mental state and outlook for the future. It's definitely the best investment I've made in myself in a long time.



Pregnant?

I'm not quite sure when I ovulated, but I am either 12 or 13 dpo. I'm not having pregnancy symptoms, but I'm not having PMS symptoms either, which is beyond weird. I am not stressing about this cycle though - it is what it is. I've tested several times (even though I'm not stressing - I'm an addict!) and have gotten BFNs. We'll see. Hubby is travelling again next week, when Aunt Flow is due to arrive (sometimes I think he does that on purpose!) so hopefully my solid mental state holds up.


Friends and Kinfolk

I'll be going to visit my family in NYC for Christmas. Our original plan was to boycott Christmas and hide out somewhere warm, but I got suckered into it. I always feel like a failure when I go home - I am the only kid from my generation who has not reproduced. I have always envisioned myself getting on the plane with our baby, introducing our baby to my family, celebrating my baby's first Christmas with them, etc. Every time I go home without said kid, I am reminded of my failure. I hope I can actually enjoy myself.

Hubby's family has been driving me crazy, as usual. They cannot accept that we won't be celebrating Christmas with them, so we'll be having four Christmases this year.

Our friend M is due in March, and is quite popping right now. She looks so stinking cute. Every time I see her I look at my own flat-ish, unmarred-by-stretchmarks belly and feel a twinge of sadness, jealousy, whatever. I haven't cried about it (yet), though.

Our friend A got married just before Halloween. I saw her this past weekend, and in the course of the conversation, she said "Well, we're going to have children soon." As if it were a fact, a given, a right. I didn't say anything, but I should have. I should have let my bitter out, and schooled her on the reality of infertility, especially since she engages in some activities that are not recommended for people trying to get pregnant. Oh, who am I kidding, she'll get knocked up on the first try.



Snow

We got buried - almost 18 inches of the fresh stuff. My Hubby and I got to have a nice snow day on Wednesday. Now we just have to clean it up. Damn, we need to have kids so we can train them to shovel, while we watch through the windows with a warm cup of cocoa in hand. It took Hubby almost 3 hours to clear our driveway with a snowblower, and there's more to go.




I hope everyone is doing well and sleeping on schedule!