Sunday, October 24, 2010

strange days

I was lost in the darkness for so long, the light itself was painful; I turned my face away. It was easier to hide in the dark than to try to live in the light.

Sometimes, though, the light is just too strong to ignore forever.

The last week or so has been filled with strange days. I was feeling the weight of the future, the disappointments of the present, the grief of the past. Things didn't seem like they could get better. Sometimes, though, it just takes one thing, one act or accident, to change everything.

It seems that some kind soul - or a fortuitous accounting error - has wiped out most of my dead dog debt. I was stressing hard about paying it off, since I have a professional relationship with the specialty clinic that treated her. I spoke with the administrator last week, and he insisted that my balance was much lower than I knew it to be. He looked up my history, and showed a check that took care of most of it. I asked him if it were possible that it was an error, and he said that it was unlikely and that I shouldn't worry about it. So, the most probable explanation is that an anonymous person walked in and wrote a check for nearly a thousand dollars.

I am completely flummoxed by the situation. It warms my heart and soul to know that someone loves me enough to lift that burden off of my shoulders. No one has confessed, and I really have no idea who would have done it, but I am so incredibly grateful.

I am grateful not just for the financial assistance, but for the light I have been forced to face and for how loved I feel. Good things can happen to me. I have been smiling more, laughing and really meaning it. I didn't think that I could ever feel this hopeful about life. I am growing more confident that I can survive whatever lies ahead in our journey to parenthood, even if we fail.

So, although you likely don't read this blog, I am sending a million thank yous to our unknown benefactor. Your kindness has pulled me out of the dark.


  1. Wow, what an amazing gesture. I am so glad that someone did this. It brought tears to my eyes and made me smile at the same time.

  2. So sorry for your losses. At least now you can focus on the grieving process and not worry about the financial aspect. Lots of hugs and good thoughts coming your way....

  3. So happy to hear about something good happening to you. How wonderful!!

  4. It's heartwarming to know there are still good people in the world. I'm glad this happened to you at a time when the whole world looked like it was against you.

  5. This is nice to hear. It's great to know there are wonderful people out there!

  6. I LOVE it! I am so glad to see you happy, and to finally have a good deed done on your behalf. You deserve it!

  7. im thankful to your benefactor. T and i have been thinking about you a lot lately. hope you're really okay. or as okay as you can be. thank you for all of the support as of late, it means a lot. and i wish you would share more pics of Lulu if possible. she was just a doll.

  8. That is so awesome! I'm glad you're in better spirits. :)

  9. wow, just catching up with you now. that is absolutely amazing. i'm really glad that you're feeling better as a result.