strange days

I was lost in the darkness for so long, the light itself was painful; I turned my face away. It was easier to hide in the dark than to try to live in the light.

Sometimes, though, the light is just too strong to ignore forever.

The last week or so has been filled with strange days. I was feeling the weight of the future, the disappointments of the present, the grief of the past. Things didn't seem like they could get better. Sometimes, though, it just takes one thing, one act or accident, to change everything.

It seems that some kind soul - or a fortuitous accounting error - has wiped out most of my dead dog debt. I was stressing hard about paying it off, since I have a professional relationship with the specialty clinic that treated her. I spoke with the administrator last week, and he insisted that my balance was much lower than I knew it to be. He looked up my history, and showed a check that took care of most of it. I asked him if it were possible that it was an error, and he said that it was unlikely and that I shouldn't worry about it. So, the most probable explanation is that an anonymous person walked in and wrote a check for nearly a thousand dollars.

I am completely flummoxed by the situation. It warms my heart and soul to know that someone loves me enough to lift that burden off of my shoulders. No one has confessed, and I really have no idea who would have done it, but I am so incredibly grateful.

I am grateful not just for the financial assistance, but for the light I have been forced to face and for how loved I feel. Good things can happen to me. I have been smiling more, laughing and really meaning it. I didn't think that I could ever feel this hopeful about life. I am growing more confident that I can survive whatever lies ahead in our journey to parenthood, even if we fail.

So, although you likely don't read this blog, I am sending a million thank yous to our unknown benefactor. Your kindness has pulled me out of the dark.