At this very moment, I am numb, which is okay by me. I keep expecting to wake up and discover that the last very nearly four years have been some crazy nightmare.
Over the last week, I've been all over the place emotionally: hopeful, sad, despondent, guilty, and overwhelmingly angry. I am not naive enough to think that just by wanting this so badly, we'll be guaranteed a happy ending. It pisses me off.
I do want this, though. I want to try, at least once more, and then IVF if we can. This determination to keep plugging along has me questioning my sanity.
I'm going to wake up soon, right?