Friday, October 30, 2009

add it to the list

I guess I can add weddings to the list of things I no longer enjoy. We're going to one tonight, and it should be lovely.

Except: There will be a pregnant chica there, just starting to show, surely announcing the pregnancy to all who haven't yet heard. I'm cringing already at the thought of all of the congratulations, and her glowing happy motherliness, while my still only slightly swollen belly announces my empty uterus to the world.

And then, there's all of the anticipation for the couple embarking on their journey of married life. The expectation that they will conceive, and have a baby (or babies). The happy joking about building a family. The celebration of their future.

And there I'll stand: the cautionary tale. My presence will shout "It doesn't always work out like that. Some people expect it to, and end up with a belly full of sadness". People will avoid me, as if miscarriage is contagious.

I have no doubt that this couple will have a baby before we do. That shouldn't make me sad, or jealous, but it does. It does.

I wish I could fast forward my life.


  1. I'm sending you a hug. I wish, wish it was you having a pregnancy to annouce. And I wish that you'll have people around you who will focus on something other than the pregnant girl.

  2. I'm sending you a hug also. Do what you can to get through the night. I know how tough it will be. I, also, wish that I could fast forward my life. OR, at least if I knew that someday I would actually be the pregnant one (well, the one who carries to term) and that all this pain, in the end, will have something good come of it.

  3. Fast forward.... or Rewind? Sometimes I wish I could rewind to the days when pregnancy was the farthest thing from my mind. When sex was about making love and not making babies. When weddings and baby showers and birthday parties were celebrations, pure and simple.

  4. I never thought that miscarriage would steal that joy from me. Going to ANY party inevitably people talk about babies, pregnancy, etc. Even giving out candy our neighbors asked us when we were going to "start" trying for our own little one. I barely was able to close the door. If they only knew. Hoping we all get some of that joy back.

  5. I also never thought that attending weddings/showers/etc or going to the grocery store could be so painful. I couldn't imagine that such a fun and joyous occassion could turn so horribly wrong in a second. Protect and take care of yourself as best as you can.

  6. Hey there,
    I know how hard ti can be-like Tina said, not just wedding but the shops, basically anywhere and anything can make you feel sad. It's ok to feel like that and you can ge through it.
    Big ((HUGS)).