quick change

I swear, if you read this blog regularly you probably think I'm bipolar. This rollercoaster is so damned ridiculous.

After my last post , you might have thought that I had a really shitty day today (pun intended). It certainly started out that way. But then Hubby and I had a text conversation that put a smile on my face all day long.

To make a long story short: we've been having issues with our car for a while now, but since it is paid off we haven't really sought a replacement. Recently we made the decision to take out a 401k loan so that we can trade in our car, get something better, do some home renovations, etc. We got the check yesterday.

But then a strange thing happened - the thought of having that much scratch in our bank account left my mind on only one thing, and it wasn't a car: baby. It seems that my incredible Hubby was on the same wavelength too.

So here's the deal: the money is going to stay put until after our appointment with the NY doctor next month. If all seems hopeless, we're going to start the adoption process. For real this time, since we actually have a large chunk (though not all) of what we'll need. We figure we can save the rest and somehow make it happen. Regardless of how that appointment goes, we'll be on our way to parenthood shortly after.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so excited to have something to hope for, to look forward to. Of course, it would be wonderful if we could conceive on our own and then use that money for a new car, a nursery, yadda yadda. But I'll drive that thing until it's a rusted hunk of tin powered Flintstone style if it means I get to be a mommy.

Me, a mommy. Him, a daddy. A family. It almost seems within reach.

Of course, now that I've put this out there, the universe will find some kind of way to fuck everything up, some ridiculous catastrophe that I cannot even begin to imagine. Oh well - at least I've got some of my fight back, along with my smile.

Hope lives.