Friday, April 8, 2011


Thanks so much to all who commented, emailed or fb'd me after my last couple of posts. Your kindness, love and concern mean the world to me. Seriously.

I know that this shit I'm going through right now isn't going to get much better anytime soon. I have been able, ever since my first miscarriage, to generally avoid or limit contact/interaction with preggos. This coworker situation is really tough for me to deal with, and she's not due for 3 more months (and I really cannot imagine how big she'll be at that point, since she's pretty much a belly with arms, legs and a head right now). Between now and then, I anticipate getting rocked by: Mother's Day, Father's Day, our anniversary, Ocho's due date, other missed due dates, family events with our new niece, etc. And every day, I'll be looking at her and picturing an alternate universe, where my baby didn't die and we could be preggo friends. Every time she mentions getting the baby's room ready, or ultrasounds, or childbirth class, I'll be wishing..... well, you all know what I'll be wishing for. I wish I could hate her but she's too frakking sweet. Sigh.

Anywho, in an effort to keep myself from succumbing to the madness - and to keep this blog from becoming too fucking morose, I plan to post each Friday about the GOOD. You all know the bad and the ugly, better than I would like.

And so, without further ado, here is my first Thank God it's Motherfucking Friday (TGIMFF) list of the good.

1. You know that book I'm so wild about? Well, I managed to score an appointment with the doctor who wrote it during my trip to visit family in NY in May. It'll cost a fortune, and I'm totally afraid to hope that anything good, any answers will come of it. I've been so convinced lately that there is no chance for us that I've pushed the appointment out of my mind, but it has the potential to be life changing.

2. Speaking of that book, I am still - for the most part - following the program. I go to acupuncture weekly. I have severely limited my intake of sugar, flour, caffeine and alcohol, and increased the amount and variety of produce I eat. I take royal jelly, fish oil, folic acid, aspirin, a multivitamin and vitex daily, and chug red raspberry leaf tea. I exercise regularly. I meditate and practice self massage. I have noticed changes in my period (no cramps! none! they used to cripple me) and hope this means good things are happening inside.

3. My regimen has helped me lose around 20 pounds in less than two months. I'd like to lose about 10 more, but I've been called "tiny" twice in the last week so I'm pretty happy. Also, today I wore jeans that I couldn't even pull up over my fat ass two months ago, and they were falling off of me. Literally. WINNING!

4. Ahhh, acupuncture. I fucking love it, and my acupuncturist. I'd go three times a week if I could afford it, but I do have all of those vegetables and shit to pay for now.

5. I am running a 20k in June (right around when Ocho would have been due) and Hubby has agreed to run it with me! The race itself will be a hella good time (I know the non-runners reading this think that's a damn lie, but it's true) plus I get to go all drill sergeant and train my man for the next two months. I like making him puke :)

6. I still love my tattoo, so much. I think it's beautiful, and I've noticed that when I am having a rough moment, looking at it, touching it, and remembering my lost babes is soothing. Surprisingly, I have not gotten any negative feedback for having such a large piece on my arm - people either love it or don't say anything, which is cool by me. I don't really give a fuck if anyone thinks it's distasteful, though - soon, the whole arm will be covered and I'll be a happy little freak.

7. A coworker (and NOT the one I would have expected it from - this girl is unmarried and doesn't have/want kids, or even particularly like them) pulled me aside on Tuesday. "Hey," she said. "I have to ask you a sensitive question and I hope it doesn't upset you." Ummm, okay. "We want to throw a baby shower for The Belly and I thought you might prefer if we did it while you're out of town." I definitely teared up at her thoughtfulness, because hell no I won't go to a baby shower. She saved me from some serious awkwardness.

8. We had dinner with Hubby's grandpa and step-grandma. They are such a cute couple, and it was really nice to spend time with them.

Okay, so I think that's it for this week. I hope next week's list is just as long, and that you all have a wonderful weekend. I will be doing battle with my backyard without the benefit of cocktails. One of us will emerge victorious. I hope it's me.


  1. I like the idea of your posts on Friday. Not for your readers (we're here for you, no matter what) but for you. I know just how horrible it is when you can't escape preggos (last year, a good friend/coworker and I were due about a week apart. I miscarried and she didn't) and with the time of year and anniversaries, well, yuck.

    The things that you've listed are really, really great for your mind and your body. And your co-worker about the shower? Wow. Seriously.

  2. I've been reading your posts about the making babies book and I've decided to give it a go.

    I figure this will give me something to focus on over the next few months while I am waiting for a consultant appointment and I'll feel as if I am doing everything possible to help us get preggers.

    Hope its not too hard to stick to!

  3. Yay for acupuncture and running two of my faves too. I'm looking forward to hearing about your appt.

  4. Damn girl! You are one healthy machine!!! Way to go! I love these Friday posts. I may have to do the same! :)

  5. I love this idea! (And good hell, Woman! 20 lbs! You ROCK!) I'm glad that you have some people that you work with that aren't total douchebags! A few less people to add to my "To Kill" list. =)

  6. I love this idea :)

    AWESOME about the weight loss and doing the run!

    And how thoughtful of that co-worker for warning you, most people aren't that considerate. I'm glad she was (*hugs*) I'm right there with you on the "hell no" to baby showers.

    Your tattoo is so beautiful. I also find looking at mine, or just touching it, brings me comfort sometimes.

  7. Wow wifey, it made me so happy to see this post after the last one!! It is great to read about how healthy you're getting and if your periods are changing, I'd say that *does* sound good. I am no doctor but the only time my period cramps lessened in my life, I was on a herbal remedy for endo. Good things happened shortly after. I hope it's OK to say that? I just mean that I hope only good things for you and am so proud you are keeping up this regimen.
    I am so excited for you about the appt-will try not to think about it too much but the fact you got in is a great start!!
    It's funny you mentioned the marathon, I'm not a runner yet but I hope to be in the near future, I have been fantasising about it after starting to read 127 hours. Just the image of your hubby doing this together is both cute & inspiring!!!
    Oh and yay for considerate coworkers :) That one was really touching!
    Keep these posts up-and I'm betting on you winning over your garden!
    Take care xxoo

  8. This is a great list. And that tattoo does kick ass. And since I've long decided that 10k is my longest (to be fair, I'm built more like a Williams sister than Deena Kastor), kudos on the 20k!

  9. I only just started reading your blog after my miscarriage in February, but I've read the whole thing. It was after I saw your tattoo that I decided to get one as well, and I do the same thing, though mine is on my calf and much more simplistic.

    I'm trying my best to stay sane and whole after about six months straight of shitty and similarly letting go of my dreams and naievte, and I admire your determination to not just succumb. I hope we both make it through.