Thanks so much to all who commented, emailed or fb'd me after my last couple of posts. Your kindness, love and concern mean the world to me. Seriously.
I know that this shit I'm going through right now isn't going to get much better anytime soon. I have been able, ever since my first miscarriage, to generally avoid or limit contact/interaction with preggos. This coworker situation is really tough for me to deal with, and she's not due for 3 more months (and I really cannot imagine how big she'll be at that point, since she's pretty much a belly with arms, legs and a head right now). Between now and then, I anticipate getting rocked by: Mother's Day, Father's Day, our anniversary, Ocho's due date, other missed due dates, family events with our new niece, etc. And every day, I'll be looking at her and picturing an alternate universe, where my baby didn't die and we could be preggo friends. Every time she mentions getting the baby's room ready, or ultrasounds, or childbirth class, I'll be wishing..... well, you all know what I'll be wishing for. I wish I could hate her but she's too frakking sweet. Sigh.
Anywho, in an effort to keep myself from succumbing to the madness - and to keep this blog from becoming too fucking morose, I plan to post each Friday about the GOOD. You all know the bad and the ugly, better than I would like.
And so, without further ado, here is my first Thank God it's Motherfucking Friday (TGIMFF) list of the good.
1. You know that book I'm so wild about? Well, I managed to score an appointment with the doctor who wrote it during my trip to visit family in NY in May. It'll cost a fortune, and I'm totally afraid to hope that anything good, any answers will come of it. I've been so convinced lately that there is no chance for us that I've pushed the appointment out of my mind, but it has the potential to be life changing.
2. Speaking of that book, I am still - for the most part - following the program. I go to acupuncture weekly. I have severely limited my intake of sugar, flour, caffeine and alcohol, and increased the amount and variety of produce I eat. I take royal jelly, fish oil, folic acid, aspirin, a multivitamin and vitex daily, and chug red raspberry leaf tea. I exercise regularly. I meditate and practice self massage. I have noticed changes in my period (no cramps! none! they used to cripple me) and hope this means good things are happening inside.
3. My regimen has helped me lose around 20 pounds in less than two months. I'd like to lose about 10 more, but I've been called "tiny" twice in the last week so I'm pretty happy. Also, today I wore jeans that I couldn't even pull up over my fat ass two months ago, and they were falling off of me. Literally. WINNING!
4. Ahhh, acupuncture. I fucking love it, and my acupuncturist. I'd go three times a week if I could afford it, but I do have all of those vegetables and shit to pay for now.
5. I am running a 20k in June (right around when Ocho would have been due) and Hubby has agreed to run it with me! The race itself will be a hella good time (I know the non-runners reading this think that's a damn lie, but it's true) plus I get to go all drill sergeant and train my man for the next two months. I like making him puke :)
6. I still love my tattoo, so much. I think it's beautiful, and I've noticed that when I am having a rough moment, looking at it, touching it, and remembering my lost babes is soothing. Surprisingly, I have not gotten any negative feedback for having such a large piece on my arm - people either love it or don't say anything, which is cool by me. I don't really give a fuck if anyone thinks it's distasteful, though - soon, the whole arm will be covered and I'll be a happy little freak.
7. A coworker (and NOT the one I would have expected it from - this girl is unmarried and doesn't have/want kids, or even particularly like them) pulled me aside on Tuesday. "Hey," she said. "I have to ask you a sensitive question and I hope it doesn't upset you." Ummm, okay. "We want to throw a baby shower for The Belly and I thought you might prefer if we did it while you're out of town." I definitely teared up at her thoughtfulness, because hell no I won't go to a baby shower. She saved me from some serious awkwardness.
8. We had dinner with Hubby's grandpa and step-grandma. They are such a cute couple, and it was really nice to spend time with them.
Okay, so I think that's it for this week. I hope next week's list is just as long, and that you all have a wonderful weekend. I will be doing battle with my backyard without the benefit of cocktails. One of us will emerge victorious. I hope it's me.