We're still married! That's worth pointing out, since, over the course of 5 days, we spent 40 plus hours in the car, with our dogs (who, it is also worth pointing out, handled the trip like they were road trip pros). Somehow, in all of the last minute packing of the car, we neglected to bring any CD's with us that weren't already in the CD player. I love Hubby, but really, I can only talk to him so much before insanity ensues, so we made sure to rectify that situation before heading home.
Anyway, the weekend was filled with family activities at an overwhelming pace. Communions, parties, and a surprise party for my mom's 60th birthday were on the agenda. Mom had the best reaction to a surprise party I've ever seen. She walked in thinking it was a party for my brother's wife, so of course she had a card in hand. As soon as she realized that SHE was the guest of honor, she turned and started whacking my bro (who was behind her) in the head with the card. Whack, whack, whack. And she didn't even remember doing it afterwards! Stay away from that woman if there are greeting cards handy.
We saw cousins, friends of the family, aunts and uncles galore. Considering my family's history, we're lucky we got through all of that without some serious drama (like the time my cousin Vinny - stereotype away - ripped off a car door at my brother's wedding, leading the cops to crash the party). Minor drama, for me, was quite abundant.
First in the minor drama department was the realization that I really do not have any friends left in NY, save a few. I am sure this is my fault as much as anyone else's, but it still sucks. Only two friends made an effort to hang out (they all knew I was in town). One of them is preggo. Yay. My mom suggested that they get all the girls together and take a road trip to come visit us here. I'll eat my hat if that ever happens.
Speaking of visits, I had several well meaning people (friends and relations both) tell me that they'll come see me when I have a baby. Ouch. I guess I'm not worth a visit unless my babymaker is working. Which it isn't. So the only guests I'll ever have from back home are my mom and my godson (and I love both of them dearly) - the only folks brave enough to venture into the wilds of America's heartland.
I can't tell you how many people told us that they're rooting for us, or praying for us, or whatever. I know they mean well, but its hard enough to handle my own disappointment every month. Now I picture hordes of folks halfway across the country waiting to hear good news that may never come, and I have to manage their disappointment as well.
My cousin has a four month old baby, and is going through all sorts of drama with her baby daddy right now. I was holding her precious girl and she teared up and told me how much it sucked that Baby Girl's daddy didn't appreciate her, while people like Hubby and I tried and tried and ended up with no baby in return. Then I teared up that she would be feeling bad for me at such a rough point in her own life, and we had a good cry together. Crying seems to be a family trait. We cry at everything - good news, bad news, while giving toasts at parties for happy occasions (my brother has done this at both of his kids' communion parties. He's a cop. It's hilarious to see him all choked up, which results in me laughing/crying/choking on tears and snot. An attractive look for sure.)
Baby Girl made me realize something - it's not the baby so much as the pregnancy that makes me jealous. Maybe in my heart I know that one way or the other, we'll end up with a kid in our lives, but I'll probably never experience a full term pregnancy. I expected to feel all emotional and stupid at the sight of her, but nope, she's just cute. And that's a good thing. I felt almost normal for a moment- I CAN hold someone else's kid without having a breakdown! Another victory in the land of the semi-fertile!
I'm not sure where I intended to go with this post, so I'll leave you with my birth control moment of the week: I was in Target the other day when a little girl threw a tremendous tantrum, screaming at the top of her lungs that she did not want to leave. The parents, to their credit, stayed calm and collected, and pretty much ignored her tantrum while they waited in line. They probably went a little deaf from the volume/pitch of her voice, because I was two lines away and could feel my ears beginning to bleed. She was kicking, hitting, screaming non stop for several minutes. And I looked at the ovulation kit I was waiting to pay for and actually considered putting it back for a moment, because, really, parenthood sucks sometimes.
But I bought it anyway :)